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recorded on a 4-track with a broken preamp in a living room in seattle, wa, summer 2008

wearefacsimil.es

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released July 31, 2008

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facsimiles Berkeley, California

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Track Name: kids
i know if you’d lived
next door when we were kids
we would have played on
the slides all day

i would have caught you
where the slide had dropped you
and picked you up to
go walking home

and as we walked i’d say
what children aren’t afraid of
about what slipped by
and we’d have held hands

and every july
when the creek ran bone dry
we’d go out each night
to catch fireflies

then it was so safe
our parents weren’t afraid
we would be alone
all night long

and as we ran in my
backyard there was nothing fake
in the way you paused
to stare up at stars

and then at Christmas
together we’d write wish lists
both knowing that it was
real

our parents would say
that’s enough go and play
in the snow and make
a snowman

and as we built him you’d say
he’ll be our child named William,
we’ll be the parents and he’ll
be ours forever

i know if you’d lived
next door when we were
kids i’d call you from my window

and i would shout to you
and scream out all that
now i’d never say out loud

now i’ll just whisper about
what children aren’t afraid of
and when you see it in the stars,
forever, it’s ours
Track Name: death of a biologist
dry heat outside
leaves blew with the tide
I met eyes with squirrels

there I swayed asking
myself am I afraid
of all the ocean's pearls

when I found out
the news down the line
I wept for the world

where do souls hide
I can't explain I find that
the only truth I know is
truth comes, sense goes

where'd you last see
my so sweet simplicity
and which way did it run?

did it run with
all my lost fears and myths
hiding like I've none?

I know we can't
just be insignificant; we're
worth it to someone

where do souls hide
I can't explain I find that
the only truth I know is
truth comes, sense goes

and when she died
I asked and the earth complied
answered all my calls

every green thing
I soon found encircling me
living breathing walls

there I screamed, please
tell me with your expertise,
do you know where they've gone to?

and without sound
I felt it in the air around me
I knew, I knew, I knew

where do souls hide
I can't explain I find that
the only truth I know is
truth comes, sense goes
Track Name: trailing wind
trailing wind will frail the ends
i’ve got a lot to deal with
she said with a cup in her hand,
a cup in her hand

handled like a box of shoes i’ve been
kind of important in
the back shelf of the closet
the back shelf of the closet

it’s not fair to give a bird some bread
when he really wants a worm
why don’t you dig one up for him
go dig one up for him

hymnals sung in just the perfect pitch
remind me yes remind me which
things i like to hear and which
things i don’t like to

here i sit just wishing you were here
so i could hear hear with my ear
all of your fears and cheers my dear
and if i do appear

sincere i really am so don’t get worried
don’t listen to them it’s not their fault
they are your friends but
they don’t understand

they don’t understand

i miss you yes i do no lie
and all those all those things that i
said that one time well guess what
they’re still true

i miss you yes i do so bad
and although it does make me sad
well, that’s why i wrote this song
for you
Track Name: salt and water
is the door closed?
i wish we lived by the coast
i know the ocean is a potion of porcelain
and salt and water and salt and water

the rain atop your 'brella
is a classic indication
of something we both know

and in your veins
runs quietly so quietly
this salt and water and salt and water

and every afternoon as the young moon
begins to peek out at you what do you think about
as it stares you down

is it how the space allowed between two people
makes it hard to know what makes her proud

or is it how you can't define the little something
about her that's not fine

are the blinds drawn?
i hid your heart in the straw
out in the barn behind my house

is there a question
of what will happen when it's done
or is it just salt and water

is there a chance
that i could ever understand
or is it just salt and water

i try to open my mouth to speak but it's just running down my cheeks
this salt and water and salt and water
Track Name: a declaration of the worth of things
i fell asleep head resting on your lap
watching the tv you waiting for the phone ring
i woke up wake up time to go
where's the keys you should keep better track

i would like to describe what i
heard him say but i don't know what those words mean i only know
i saw a shine in the corner of your eye
and outside the birds chirped and i overheard

a conversation about new colonies
a meditation on how to fix things
a quotation from someone smarter than me
a declaration of the worth of things

you took me home, i felt things focus
there was a magnetism, people felt it pulling on the iron in their
blood
and so they came by you would have called it awkward
but it seemed like no one'd taught them how to you should say
hi, how ya doin,
let's make tea and smile too, the weather's nice, it's not the end but i've heard that word far too many times
nothing's ever ended in this life before why would anything start ending now i'm asking you

and so you took
me to the movies, we saw a comedy you cried i laughed
and in the dark you held my hand and whispered in my ear you said and whispered in my ear
Track Name: in the dark
i thought once i loved you with my whole heart
i remember you
in the dark on the bed with your hair messed up
smiling as i walked in the room

never wished for this, never wanted to
resist what made sense
in my defense i tried pretty hard, cried in the dark,
yelled in the stairwell

but i recall your eyes the times you didn't smile
recall your face the times you wouldn't kiss me
recall your hand when it pushed away
recall when i heard you didn't miss me

i ended it myself didn't i,
i started it myself didn't i
i twisted up myself didn't i
i still believe don't i

it wore on me to see you but not see you
a chore to pass you walking
and talk like neighbors, white picket fence in between us
my dog nibbling at your roses

and when you left it wasn't a problem any longer
i forgot it i acted
strong every time i heard your name, like it didn't inflame
my heart

but i'd recall your eyes the times you didn't smile
recall your face the times you wouldn't kiss me
recall your hand when it pushed away
recall when i heard you didn't miss me

but i ended it myself didn't i,
i started it myself didn't i
i twisted up myself didn't i
i still believe don't i

i've tried to remember what we fought about
i just can't remember why i yelled
all i can see is your face when you were silent
your back against the wall and no smile
Track Name: whispers
whispered like the sound of rivers underground
and cars in junkyards playing neil young through their busted stereos
and do you know that busted man, the toughest man, he had a plan
he pulled my hair with breaths that ripple like cherries in a root beer float

and they
they all agree
with those who said it's all my fault
and i
and i can see
that i was wrong i was wrong all along

and in the church next to where my grandma's buried by the cherry tree
and where my mother married him and kissed him soft and sweet
i sat down by myself late one night i had the key somehow
i looked at statues and the windows and tried to hold on to now

and you
could you trust me?
with a splinter of your smile i found it in the dark
and i
i am not free
from anything that i could sing or the spark between our hearts

whispered like the sound of rivers underground
or muscles grating in the legs of elephants as they play by the lake
i couldn't find a touch of hope i wouldn't look when i was told
nope i'm fine just waiting, i'm fine just waiting
Track Name: cherry trees
it’s hard not to linger in lovely moments of
bouncing light off emerald eyes
conveying wavelengths of sea green lapping up
overflowing, all dried up

closer to memories I had already known
like a storybook I’d read once
closer to everything hiding under our heads
sharp and wild, dark and red

oscillating with the moon
slowly as a knot undoes itself
sinews threaded like cherry trees
hiding sweetness inside those leaves

i thought of nothing but this as you held my hand
on my chest you rest your head
the sand in your hair looked like all those swaying stars
above and glowing clear for us

when we rose there, when we walked
for a moment, we both paused
turning tops burning holes in the soft ground there
we held each other, we waited

oscillating with the moon
slowly as a knot undoes itself
sinews threaded like cherry trees
hiding sweetness inside those leaves

the dark of the sky pours down
the waves at our feet, not touching yet
the cold of the ground in flux
gently holding both of us
Track Name: devising, devising
said twice
quietly but never listened to
devise for me
a way to capture a way to keep
the truths we see in our sleep

said twice
the well wishes on the pennies dropped
suffice to say
i think about you every day

i wrote a goodbye letter
before i'd even gone
it's weird but i know i'll feel
then how i've felt all along

and i can visualize it
i know how it'll go
and what's the difference between
then and now if that's so